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  • Writer's pictureScarlet Gonzalez

Mother's Day

Mother's Day has been an emotionally-charged day for me as I reflected on my relationship with my mother. I woke up this morning entrenched in sadness and grief, a feeling in the air, perhaps an intuitive download of the emotional collective who too have been called to bring awareness to their mother-daughter experience. . . . Today, I was called to look into the depths of me & be with the lightest and darkest moments of my relationship with my mother. While a part of me has forgiven her for all of the ways she didn't show up for me in the way I needed her to, there's another part of me that IS in appreciation of the lessons I have learned, and another that remains deeply saddened & hurt by all the pain endured. Our relationship has demanded many arguments, times of distance, cut off, closeness, with ruptures & repairs to be where it is today. . . . Today, my mother and I have sweet moments where we hold hands and walk together, where we drink coffee & laugh & be silly, confront each other when we think something is wrong, & share our concerns & wishes for the other. The most challenging part of the relationship is reminding myself that my mother is a woman, a woman who was once a girl with a lived female experience very different from my own, influenced by a different generation, with different desires/wishes and dreams, challenges and gifts, traumas & family of origin circumstances... there's so much about us that is different. And it's taken me so long to see you for the woman you are, a woman comprised of the stories of the women who have come before you, whose life & stories run through your being, the same being that runs through me. . . . As I come to peace with all the ways that you are, & all the ways you will never be, I lean into and become more conscious of how I am to be with every part of myself. For to be with myself is to be with my story, & you, mama, have been so much of my story. You have been my worst enemy & my best friend. Through the soft and rough ebb & flow, above all, I have learned to acknowledge you, mama, as the woman who brought me into this world. I see you, I accept you. You are who you are. I love you. ❤🌷

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